Here’s the painful reality. If you’re the kind of person who is so passionate about making music that you refuse to do anything else, your career becomes your first loyalty, which by definition would place your mate as second. A close second, but second nonetheless. This is often problematic to a good relationship.
When you’re driven to create, you’re coming from a different mindset from most, and conventional relationships don’t typically survive the rather unconventional lifestyle of a recording professional. Even a mate who admires your drive and creations will feel the resentment of playing second fiddle, and money doesn’t tend to solve this problem. On those occasions when money comes to you in great abundance, you could find yourself pressured by your mate to take some personal time off. This can be counter to your business needs.
Time off is the kiss of death in this industry. I know—I took an entire year off in the ‘90s to spend time with my newborn son, and I virtually killed my career in the process. Not that I’d do anything differently in that regard, but it did take some time to rebuild.
Far be it for me to give anyone relationship advice. Believe me, as someone who views my purpose in life as a creator of art, I’ve failed with marked predictability in my relationships. But then that’s the point. I’m not suggesting you can’t have a loving and fruitful relationship that lasts a lifetime. That depends completely on the personalities of both you and your partner. What I’m saying is that you must have a mate that is fully supportive and understanding of what’s at stake, and I’m not sure that explaining it is sufficient.
Let me put it this way: If you can figure out how to maintain a healthy personal and love life as you operate in this business, you should write a book about it, as I have yet to figure it out myself.
Whether self-inflicted, or out of pure happenstance, the difficult times in this business will come. If you rest on your laurels, as if your run of success will never end, you could be in a world of hurt, both financially and personally. It’s tough to enjoy your time off when you’re dealing with a mate pissed off that you’re broke, as you personally deal with feelings of failure and inadequacy. Negative thoughts are destructive in nature, and often include concerns of permanence. I have wondered countless times in my career whether I’ve made my last record. I don’t care who you are, when you’re not working, your confidence will suffer. Therefore, vigilance is a necessity, and you must at all times adjust your position as it relates to the business.
ERIC SARAFIN aka Mixerman is a Los Angeles based mixer and producer whose credits include: the Pharcyde, Ben Harper, Barenaked Ladies, Pete Murray and Foreigner. Eric is also an author, well known for his popular web postings turned book, titled The Daily Adventures of Mixerman, and his ongoing Zen series of books, including Zen and the Art of Mixing, Producing, and Recording. Pick up the latest book at amazon.com/Mixerman/e/B001QV42EW.
